What are you going to do with your life?

You know the career assessments, from high school, that help you determine what to do with your life? Yeah. I loved those. I loved thinking about the possibilities of all the things I could do and how I was going to do them. Though I had some ideas, there really wasn't one particular profession or field I thought I'd be in. I knew I wanted to get married, have kids, write and help people. Those assessments always alluded to options that included me writing/teaching/helping people, but I had no idea how these things would play together in real life. I went through college and got a BA in English (professional writing) then took the first job that came to me as a technical writing intern; then, soon after, that internship got me a full-time job working for a financial management company. Let me tell you something. I got Cs and Ds (D = diploma, right?) in high school math. I am not a numbers person.  I really didn't belong in a company with a financial focus, regardless of what I was doing there. It's like foreign matter to me, y'all.

After having our first baby I found it really, really hard (okay, anxiety made it impossible) to travel (only day trips 50-100 miles away) for work, which was required by my position at the financial place. Pretty soon, I transitioned into another position with the same company - not requiring travel or number crunching - and that lasted a few months before I moved on totally. My momdar was on high alert and I just couldn't be so far away from my baby. To prove it, I even got pulled over on the way home from my last day of work. I just couldn't wait a second longer to get back to my little one and start soul searching again.

I felt perplexed and uncertain on who the new "me" was going to be. I was on this "what am I going to do with my (professional) life" quest. Even though I already had a degree (I've loved writing since I could hold a pencil - that should have been a clue), I decided to become a licensed realtor. Because, you know, what was I really going to do with writing? Like, in real life. Heh.

When I was 75% done with the classes I found out I was pregnant with #2 and the Lord literally stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't keep my eyes open (due to first trimester sleepies) through the Real Estate Law class. I just couldn't. I quit and didn't finish the classes.

A couple years later, I found myself enrolled in a masters program for Business Counseling. Guess what - pregnant again. SURPRISE! I knew I couldn't devote enough energy to either my kids (or my job) or the masters program to make it through. I quit before the first class even started.

I promise, I'm not really a quitter - look at my baking!!

Finally, I took another position that I thought would be the winner. As it turns out, that wasn't it either.  In fact, I was more frustrated than ever - until the Lord spoke right in my ear. You know those kids I wanted? Yeah, they are the ones that needed my time and labor. I had been looking to define myself by a career path, not by my identity in Christ. He was piecing it together for me and I was flat out ignoring Him until this point. Collectively, my husband and I listened and agreed that the best place for me to be was home - helping him with our business and taking care of our home and children. And, right before I quit my last job I got another sign - baby #4 was coming.

With all that said, I looked high and low for my calling, but God had been sending me the signals (two pink lines at a time) all along. I'm so happy to be home with these children and so content to know I'm doing the job God made for me and trust Him that it's right. I love taking care of our family each day. It's a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week job filled with laundry, diapers, messes, homework, laughter, coloring, toy cars, bubbles and baby dolls. There's no bi-weekly pay, vacation days or 401k, but the rewards are infinite and I get to write about it all along the way.

So, my high school career assessment was right after all, who knew.