Friday, March 15, 2013

I want to be crafty, I really do.

We mean it. 
I guess writing and photography are "crafty," but, you know, I want to be a DIY girl! I want to use sandpaper and spray paint to turn crap from the thrift store into something magnifique! I want to mod podge to the moon and hack Ikea furniture into a new dimension. Sadly, it's just not happening for me yet. Today is no exception.

One of my out-of-town friends is coming for a playdate tomorrow with her three precious boys. Of course, I run around the house looking for all those things that make us look like rednecks things that need a little sprucing up to be presentable. One of those things was our no soliciting sign. In an effort to keep people away from our freaking doorbell at nap time, I took a piece of the kids' construction paper, a sharpie, and some packing tape and made a big ugly NO SOLICITING sign. Nothing says, "WE DON'T WANT ANY," like some chicken scratch on dark green paper covered with packing tape, right?! Right.

Anywho. One of my new neighbors and I were having a discussion about solicitors one day and I told her that a simple sign has really deterred them for us. Well, my sweet new neighbor decided to come check out our sign before making her own (face --> palm). She said she was sure I'd have something cutesy because I seem like the crafty type. Oh, I wish, dear neighbor.

Because I don't want one more person to look at our tacky sign, I decided it was time to get something more permanent in line. I thought about buying one from Etsy, but why?! Let's do something Pinteresting instead, right!? Let's be frugal. Let's use our right brains. Let's show the girls that we can be industrious. Right... My oldest daughter and I strolled through the craft store this evening as ideas for this sign reeled through my head. My first thought was to paint it on wood...but then how would I get a hole in the wood to hang it? Did this store even have nails or screws to hang the thing? How am I going to put a nail in the door? What kind of paint do I get? Now I have to buy brushes? What kind of brushes? How long is this going to take to dry? This is going to cost a million bajillion dollars. My crafts really have to take 20 minutes or less; if not, I get frustrated, throw them out and order something online...usually what I should have done in the first place.

See what I mean, people?

Anyway. As my budding artist daughter and I walked through the store, I finally found something do-able. I found a porcelain sign (the right size) and SCORE, it already had holes and some ropey looking stuff through the holes. All I'd have to do is write on it! Back to the paint aisle...

Ah, color choices. I can't take it. After zoning-out in the midst of about 857 Martha Stewart paint colors, I saw a happy compromise - paint markers. Wahoo! I know how to write, there are multiple colors, $5.99 - let's go! I still didn't know how I was going to hang the dang thing, but at least 90% of the problem was solved (or so I thought).

We get to the checkout and I see 3M command hooks. Wahoo! Problem solved. Even I can stick a plastic hook to the door.

So, the story continues at home...after all this ridiculousness - spacing, lettering, erasing, more spacing, more lettering, more erasing, I finally get the sign finished. I stick the 3M hook on the door and, of course, it's too low. I go to take the hook off and it flys across the room, in two pieces, and I am thankful that there are more of those adhesive strips so I can try again. I'm holding the baby all the while and hanging this thing up one-handed, btw. Finally, the sign is hung and I post a photo online.

See my error? Grrr!
Thirty seconds later.

My pal Allison comments; there's a spelling error. Dag nabit. I looked at the thing a million times, knew it didn't look right, but couldn't figure it out. This is what happens when you have kids, I tell you!! The basics start to get trippy. I have an English degree for crying out loud. I should certainly be able to find a spelling error!

Post deleted.

I flip the thing over, scratch off the price tag, write it all out again, stick on the flowers AND DONE. Next time ordering something from Etsy may be the best use of my time and I'll be teaching the girls about opportunity cost. Maybe I'll stick to blogging and making messes in the kitchen, my safe places.

And, at least I got some blog fodder out of it. Otherwise, you'd have to hear about the other things I did today, like getting Rotel tomatoes and chiles in my eye or wearing cabbage on my head for kicks.

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