Tuesday, January 31, 2012

New blog, new beginning.

FreeFoto.com | By: Ian Britton
I turned the big 3-0 last year and, though I brushed it off as no big deal, I was really kind of distracted by the whole thing. Distracted by thoughts like - my career isn't right yet, I'm not in good enough shape, I haven't done this or that, etc. Being so distracted is real bummer when you have an 8-5 job and three kids five and under at home. This feeling went on for many months and I knew something had to change, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I felt like that big mile marker 30 thing had to happen, I just couldn't figure out what it was or why I was so discontent. I'm pretty laid back with most things, but this time my inner only-child was getting squirmy.

I looked everywhere for insight...in open job opportunities, in conversation with friends, in getting another degree, in new missions. Nothing was coming into focus. However, when I finally got off my hobby horse, I looked where I should have been looking all along - to the Lord! I finally saw this as I was witnessing to someone else. I remember saying, to her, that when we're fighting against life so hard, it's often because we're not trusting the Lord and trying to control everything ourselves. Um, ding. ding. ding. I'm so guilty on that one. I was having a conversation with her, but realized at that moment, I was really having it with myself just the same. All this time, I was looking inward when I should have been looking out.

In the days and months that followed, the Lord kept putting my nose in Proverbs 31. I think He wanted me to keep reading it until I got the point and one day, it finally clicked. He showed me that the only place for me was at home, taking care of my husband and children so I could work to be like the virtuous woman He calls all wives and mothers to be in Proverbs 31. My heart was so convicted and I knew that Corporate America didn't need me, but my family desperately did. How could I not have seen that before? As I was waiting for the right timing to quit, I decided to start "training" for my new full-time job. I started listening to sermons online, listening to audio apologetics books, soaking in the Word, praying much more, and learning to TRUST Him and not rely on myself.

It finally came time for me to quit. Finally, finally, finally. And, right before I was about to do so, I kept hearing this verse, once from my sister-in-law when I randomly asked her what her favorite verse was and a few times on the radio, all in the matter of a couple days...

Philippians 4:6-7 - 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 
I found it a little odd that I kept hearing the same verse repeatedly. I felt like something was going to happen. It was just SO apparent to me that the Lord was putting that verse in my face for a reason. A couple days later, I got the [+] sign that means we'll have another little one in tow in a few months. Wait...what? I'm really glad the Lord had me practicing that whole trust bit; even knowing that this would mean paying for expensive private insurance or not having any, with the blessing of my husband, I quit anyway. Instead of worrying, for once, I kept trusting. 

The Lord knew about ALL of this before I did. I can only assume that's why he was preparing my heart with all that time to soak in the Word. A sticky-wicket like health insurance doesn't change His holy Word and I wasn't going to let it chase me back into my self-seeking ways either. He provides and He is amazing!

Now, as a little disclaimer, I *do* believe that the best place for a wife and mom is at home, if you're able. If you're not able to stay at home (and many women aren't these days), I still feel that you need to take care of your family in all of the ways the Lord instructs. I wish I would have obeyed that instruction years ago instead of doing my own thing. 

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