Mini Update - Happy new year!!

Hi friends,

We made it through all the holidays, did you?? This is our family business's busiest time of year and
our first year juggling the busy season, homeschool, pregnancy and a few home renovations all in a very short amount of time! It seems that this season of craziness has come to a resting place, though, and we are ready to return to normal life...until this spring when the baby shows up. :)

I'll admit, after losing a ton of weight and being in the best shape of my adult life, it is kind of hard to go back in the other direction for the better part of a year. I'm not getting wound-up about it, though, because I know post-partum fitness is attainable! This pregnancy, I am focusing on maintaining a (mostly) clean and vegetarian diet, and simply not over eating or binge eating. I am allowing myself grace when it comes to cravings, but not letting them overpower my goal for having a healthy pregnancy. I'm also doing my best to drink more water. That's always been a problem for me in pregnancies past. It's not that I don't love water, I just don't like to be bothered with so many trips to the bathroom so I ignore my fluid intake. I know - bad. bad. bad.

I've had the oddest cravings (for me) this pregnancy... ginger, green beans, lemon meringue pie, carrots, eggs, toothpaste (two different kinds...no I'm not eating that); and sharp cheeses.

I have also been posting some kid-friendly dinner recipes on my Facebook page and hope to report some of those to you, as well. Let me know what kinds of things you'd like to see and I will add them to our meal plan. :) We also got a new crockpot and waffle maker for Christmas, so hopefully I can post about some fun recipes on that end, soon, as well.

Meanwhile? You *might* want to check your local Costco to see if this Trek Mix is in stock. It is SO MUCH FLAVOR. And? I don't feel bad eating it.

Don't cry over spilled (breast) milk.

In my mom-to-be days, I had this glamorous expectation of everything I wanted out of motherhood.

And then, my epidural wore off and I woke up in a little place called, "real life."

I wanted a natural childbirth; that didn't happen (the first time). I only wanted to gain 25lbs with the pregnancy (I gained 65); I wanted to nurse the baby for a year; that also didn't happen. I got over my birth experience, I got over the weight-gain, but that whole breastfeeding break-up took much longer to get past.

You see, after Baby #1 was born, I had a fever and she was taken to the nursery for about 12 hours until my body temperature returned to normal. During that time, she was given bottles. Though she nursed immediately following her delivery, our nursing relationship was never the same after our initial separation. She was a ferocious eater who wanted her food as fast as a bottle would deliver it - and not a second slower. And, that was that. We worked on it for about four months (I carted the double pump around, tried every different nursing position and technique, used this shield and that), but she was feisty and  I was frustrated. I was increasingly stressed, anxious, and the baby was screaming all. the. time. This was turning into an every hour of every day battle for super baby and I. I begrudgingly went back to work and it just wasn't happening. There wasn't a whole lot I could do. From then on, it was 100% mix, shake and deliver. She was healthy, happy, and life went on. I still felt bad.

I tried everything, but I couldn't get over that deep, disgusting, feeling of failure. What's worse - condescending looks, questions, comments, and stares from people who just didn't get it. Because, you know, everyone can breastfeed...right? Right (insert sarcasm). Sometimes bottle feeding, for the sake of mama's mental health, trumps the old "breast is best" mantra. It does.

Then came Baby #2. I was bound and determined to nurse him, also. Things went well for a few weeks and then he couldn't hold down his food. At all. While we were seeking a diagnosis on him, I was asked to supplement. He desperately needed it. When he arrived at the hospital, he was dehydrated and they could hardly get an IV going in his tiny little veins. He had surgery for pyloric stenosis at 7wks. My supply was already down from supplementing and there was no more nursing after his surgery. He needed to get strong, healthy, and giving him a bottle was the fastest and easiest way for me to do that. I still felt bad.

Baby #3 came. 10 days later, I was sent to the ER with mastitis and I was incredibly sick. I told my husband, at one point, that I thought I was going to die. I will spare you the details, but tell you that the baby was given a bottle soon after. I probably could have and should have continued on with her, but I felt so sick and just wanted her to grow and be healthy. I still felt bad.

Baby #4. She's been nursing, happily, for almost 7 months, and could be nursing for 17 more. The difference? I'm not stressed. I did a lot of research about nursing issues and how to solve them. I focused, relaxed, and made it a top priority to fight through. We also didn't have any of those other obstacles to get through this time. I have had immeasurable support from my friends and sisters and I have asked question after question. For that, I'm SO thankful.

I truly wish things would have been different with the first three. That's my personal preference. But, I am glad that I can tell my story from both sides. YES, you can keep trying. YES, you can make it work even if it hasn't multiple times before.

To mamas: Be sure to ASK for help. There are always other moms willing to answer questions and give advice. We all know that breastfeeding is that most-natural thing that somehow doesn't seem to come naturally to a lot of us. It is hard work at first, but IT DOES GET EASIER. If it doesn't work out for your, for whatever reason, your baby will loved, cared for, and will love you back as much as he or she would if you continued nursing him or her. There is no reason to carry guilt about not breastfeeding your child.

I highly recommend breastfeeding for the health benefits that it offers mom and baby. I also recommend exhausting every option before you quit (including getting to that 6wk mark where it becomes A LOT easier), but at the end of the day...just do your best and love your baby. 

To my fellow lactivists: I know most of you are well-intentioned, but before you wince at a mama who bottle-feeds, consider that you don't know all she's been through. You don't know how hard she's tried to make it work and you don't know how bad she may or may not feel. Bottle feeding isn't always for convenience. She knows formula is more expensive and bottles can be a hassle. Please love your fellow mamas and offer support, not judgment.

And, we have four kids.

Ok friends, I know I've been missing from the blogosphere for a way long time, but it's not without good reason; I promise! Our darling little daughter was born a couple weeks ago and I'm taking maternity leave - from everyday blogging, from freelance projects, from just about everything besides my wife and mommy duties until I feel well enough/rested enough to return.

Even though we have FOUR CHILDREN (ohmygoodness), I've never taken a maternity leave that really left me feeling settled at the end. When all of our other children were born, I was working (at least part-time and often from home); This sounds like a blessing, right? It is...until you realize that working from home means you're always at work. It seems like even from the right after my kids were born (days after) I was still in touch with the peeps back at the office - sending files, answering questions, checking email, and assembling reports and documents. I was grateful to have a job and this level of postpartum involvement was somewhat my choice (as a super workaholic) as well. While I thought I was doing something in the best interest of everyone, it was really kinda detrimental to those early weeks of baby/mom bonding. I was getting more stressed out than necessary (equalling a stressed out baby); not resting well enough; having anxiety attacks; not taking care of things at home; and, not eating right (often in excess, gaining weight instead of losing).

I asked to leave the hospital the day after my baby was born. My doctor and baby's pediatrician okayed it, but when my doctor (who knows my personality, obviously) looked me in the eye and said, "You can leave early, but you have to go home and rest." I knew that I'd be doing exactly that. It feels great to be taking this time off. This time with the baby and my other littles has been super important and despite the lack of sleep - restful!

I'll be back soon with the birth story, postpartum weight loss thoughts/ideas, recipes, funny stuff and more. I'll look forward to being back on the blog before long, but for now...it's time for some more baby snuggles!!

Take care, friends!!

We're in the home stretch! Thoughts on pregnancy and a prayer.

Ok guys, this pregnancy is winding down!!! Since this is Baby #4, I've had less time to think about actually preparing for birth. I know what you're thinking...what do you need to prepare for birth?

After four kids, don't you have it down?? 

Besides, doesn't it just kinda, "happen?" 

Well, it does just kinda "happen," but I like to do a little pre-L&D brainwashing, if you will. I would much rather have a Natural Child Birth if at all possible. I'm not trying to win the NCB award or anything by telling you that, but I didn't have a positive epidural experience with my first baby and I've enjoyed going preferred to go without it since then. PS. My negative epi experience was probably due to the fact that my stomach was so stinkin' big that I couldn't lean forward enough for the epi to go in well during the first (seven) attempts. That was my fault for gaining 60+ lbs, btw, not the anesthesiologist's....oh and for waiting until 7cm to ask for the epi. Moving on...

A good friend of mine, who home-births, gave me some NCB tips a while ago. I posted them here earlier in the pregnancy when L&D seemed far enough away that I didn't truly have to worry about it just yet. I think it's time, now, to revisit some of those tips - begin brainwashing and praying! Regardless of how my birth experience ends up (this baby could decide to flip around and give me a c-section for all I know), I just pray that it's a peaceful experience that I can look back on happily.

Additionally, I know quite a few other mamas about ready to pop (one who's having a c-section today, even!) I want to take a moment and pray for these ladies as birth - rather we prepare for it or not - is a huge undertaking. It's something that changes our lives forever any way it happens. So, here it is:

Heavenly Father,  

I pray for my friends and family who will soon be welcoming a new child into their lives.

I pray, Lord, that you will give them strength, trust and wisdom as they embark on this major life-changing event.  

I pray, also, that they will be able to rest in you, Lord, even at their weariest hour in this new endeavor.

I ask that you remove all traces of fear from their minds and to allow them to be at total peace, knowing that you are the Creator and the Great Physician and all things begin and end with your divine plan.

I pray that you will guide the doctors and nurses with the utmost precision as they help bring these new babies into the world.

I pray Lord, that these new moms, dads, and siblings will feel your holy presence as they make the adjustment of bringing a new family member home.  

I pray that you give them patience, strength, and healing in the days to come.  

All of this, Lord, I pray in your precious and most Holy name! Amen.

Never Ending Grace

Isn't it awesome how God's grace truly never ends? He is truly AMAZING in all things - on the good days, and the bad days. We took at look at John 14 during this Sunday's sermon. Though I didn't know it when I took a seat in the sanctuary, I have to say, I really needed to hear those promises of growing grace illustrated in John 14. 

The third trimester of pregnancy caught up with me last week, as it has a way of doing about this time in pregnancy. I was pouting, mostly to myself, about how hot it is outside; how my bones hurt; how everything I do seems like a chore because it's hard to move, bend, and breathe more or less; also, I was inwardly fussing about how much longer is still left in this 40 week tour - I checked my calendar a several times during the week like the number of remaining weeks was going to be suddenly lowered or something. The days pass quickly, but it seems like the countdown of weeks that remain is dragging on and on. Instead of being driven to persevere, I allowed myself to use these things as an excuse to be a little lazy and grouchy, too. Yesterday's sermon, though, was a gentle reminder that God's grace is there in full abundance and increasing, even when we're hurting. This goes for any kind of hurt - physical, emotional, or otherwise. This is a fine reminder that we must endure to glorify Him even through difficulties because HIS GRACE ALWAYS ENDURES. His grace is truly enough and, in direct alignment with the mission of this blog, I'll tell you - it's found in every second of everyday whether we want to see it or not. Grace is in the aches and pains; Grace is in the success and the happiest of hearts. Aren't you glad it is? I sure am.


John 14:1-14

Jesus Comforts His Disciples 

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God^[a]; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.”  

Jesus the Way to the Father 

⁵ Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” 

⁶ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ⁷ If you really know me, you will know^[b] my Father as well.From now on, you do know him and have seen him.” 

⁸ Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” 

⁹ Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? ¹⁰ Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. ¹¹ Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. ¹² Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. ¹³ And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

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This post is linked up to Grace Laced Mondays, Better Mom Mondays and Just for Fun Fridays

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Water Logged!

So, at this point, visits to my OB are pretty routine and they go something like this..

Urine sample - Check
Blood pressure - Check
Baby Moving - Yes
Problems/Questions - No
Baby's Heartbeat - Good
See you next time.

This last time, though, my doctor (who is super awesome, by the way), walked into the exam room and looked me in the eyes quite seriously. She told me that I *really, really, really* need to be drinking more water. This is my second warning, by the way. Now, right before my appointment I had lunch and a piece of cake. I thought that probably negated any liquid I'd consumed (which was half a gatorade, some lemonade and a swig of 7-Up out of the bottle right before I walked out the door so I could produce *something* for the urine sample at my appointment). Apparently, those things don't constitute water consumption AND, I was kind of astounded at the amount of water I'm actually supposed to be drinking. On the days that I think I'm doing well with water, I'm actually only drinking about a liter - probably less. Guess how much I'm supposed to be drinking... three liters! Three! I have to drink one liter by lunch; one by dinner; and, one more by bed. Oh my word! Now, there are a few reasons that I'm not getting my daily fill, want to hear them? I thought so...

1. Drinking more = peeing more. I already get up several times a night to do this and every time I do, I have to wash my hands. Washing my hands makes them dryer, itchier, and more dish-pannish than they already are. PS. I already have three kids; it's not like going to the bathroom 25 times a day is convenient. 
2. My straw melted. That's right...one of my kids...I have a cup that I really like. It's pretty and it had a fun straw to sip out of. My straw melted in the dishwasher a while ago and my water consumption has diminished seriously since then. Yes, I have a new cup now since I got in trouble.
3. I'd rather have an icy cold Coca-Cola. Now, I like water. I really do, but I like Coke more. Given a choice of the two, I'd probably pick the Coke. Okay, I know I would. 

Water Logged

So, it's apparent that my excuses are pretty lame and all controllable. In a quest to get more water down the pipes, I went to my iPhone (of course, I did). You know, if it can't be tracked or calculated via my phone, it's probably not going to happen. I downloaded a great app called Waterlogged. Water Logged helps me record the amount of water I drink each day (it even let me upload a custom pic of my favorite sippy!); it also sends me reminders so I'm guilted into doing the right thing don't forget to drink-up! If there any other water water loggers around, I can also link up with them via the app for accountability. I'm pretty impressed with everything it does and, quite honestly, it's probably the only way I'll remember to guzzle three liters of h2O a day.

You know, drinking all this extra water will probably be good in more ways than one. 1.) I probably won't end up in the hospital with a nasty case of dehydration and a dozen IVs in my arm, 2.) I probably won't have much room left in my belly for cookies and cakes because of all that extra wa-wa sloshing around. So, win-win. 

What are your secrets for getting water down? I'd love to know! I'm off to fill up the second half of my first liter of the day!

What to Expect When You're Expecting

In the downhill slide of my fourth forty-week tour, I can tell you exactly what to expect. Expect the unexpected. As warm, fuzzy, and sometimes downright frightening as those pregnancy books are, I think they neglect a few details. At my current state, I'm experiencing things that I can't remember reading about in books. Want to hear my top symptoms right now? Okay, I thought you did...

• We're experiencing 4th of July temperatures in May. Who could have called that? As a result, I want to do nothing other than sit in the A/C with a fan on high-speed blowing directly in my face.
• Most of my pants  are too small and uncomfortable. I may wear yoga pants every day for the duration of the pregnancy unless I absolutely have to appear "presentable" somewhere. 
• Every morning when I wake up, I feel like someone twisted my spine while I was sleeping. It stays that way for a good while afterward.
• Those yoga pants I mentioned, it's really hard to get them on when you can't bend over. Tying shoes is also out.
• I'm very thankful to somehow be able to still trim my toenails....somehow. 
• I've learned that my heartburn is caused by eating ____________ (insert any food or drink item) or nothing at all. We're talking fire-breathing, people.
• My hand falls asleep every time I talk on the phone. 
• I can smell roadkill and raw sewage facilities about five miles from wherever I sit. 
• I am exhausted, but my legs are restless. That's fun.
• I saved the most unexpected for last; it's all worth it. 

The throes of pregnancy are just temporary. They are truly minor afflictions in the grand-scheme of life; and, besides, most of the 40 weeks isn't so bad! It's just the last few that are most challenging. Even still, it's my goal to maintain a pretty placid demeanor whenever possible as not offend my husband, family and friends by my current state of uncomfortableness. Instead of lashing out in hormonal rage, I've been praying and praising God instead and, it's working. Here are some things I've been practicing:

• When I feel like complaining, I try to remember to pray instead.
• When I start to dwell on my pain, I remember Christ at the cross.
• When I want sit down and zone out for the duration of the pregnancy, I remember the many undeserved blessings I've been given that need my attention even though I feel weak. I praise God for those!
• I praise God regularly for this blessing of a new baby! I can't wait to meet her and get to know her. I know that the challenges of pregnancy are worth this awesome gift!!
• Every time I check to see how far along I am (and think it feels like I should be closer to 40wks than I am), I'm thankful for the virtue of patience that is being refined in my heart.

Verses to apply: 

• Phil 2:14 - ¹⁴ Do all things without grumbling or disputing,
• Romans 5:3 - ³ And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
• Peter 3:14 - ¹⁴ But and if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;
• Romans 8:18 - ¹⁸ For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

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This post is linked up to Grace Laced Mondays, Better Mom Mondays and Just for Fun Fridays

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Calling all Baby Bellies!

Boppy Prenatal Sleep Wedge | Photo from Amazon.com

I was looking at all things Pinteresting the other day and was reminded of a super awesome pregnancy must-have that I have yet to blog about.

If you're pregnant, you have to stop what you're doing and order one of these right now may need one of these. I went through two pregnancies battling sore, achy hips and a stomach that felt like I was carrying a watermelon with my back every night as I slept...until I bought a wedge pillow. I tried to squirm around in every way imaginable - from putting giant pillows under my belly to trying to sleep with my elbows and fists under my belly as support and, at one point, nearly buying a new mattress. I knew I didn't want a body pillow. There's already not enough room in bed AND during pregnancy I think it's way too hot to have a big body pillow like that near me while I (try to) sleep. I finally wised up and Googled "belly pillow." Thankfully, Google gave me what I wanted.

The belly pillow works because it lifts your belly ever so slightly to relieve pressure from your back and hips. Don't believe me? Doesn't seem comfortable? You know those Amazon reviewers don't lie! It gets almost five stars from 70 customer reviews. I think it's safe to assume that this thing is the real deal. If you're missing your Zzzzzzzs because of the aches and pains of pregnancy, check it out!

Again, my only regret is not buying one two babies before.

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This post is linked up to Mommin' it Up's Pin for the Wednesday blog carnival. 

Head on over to check out the other awesome pins posted by Mommin' it Up followers.

Natural Childbirth: Lessons from L&D

Gearing up to bring a new baby home is exciting, but no matter how many of them I have there's always that momentary freakout when I remember...I have to go through labor and delivery before I meet this sweet child face to face. I *prefer* natural, unmedicated birth (NCB), but I think I have to re-brainwash myself each time to forego the standard, "WHERE'S MY EPIDURAL?!" question most women ask sometime during labor and delivery, whether they get one or not. I've had one medicated birth with pitocin - 6hrs; one unmedicated, no pitocin - 3hrs; and, one unmedicated with pitocin - 3hrs (yes, you can be induced and make it through with no epi).  


Thinking about all of this reminded me of some NCB tips I wrote up for a friend when she was preparing for her labor day. She said that the tips proved helpful and so I saved them. Here they are; Maybe they'll be helpful to you, too...

1. Relax - As you feel a contraction coming, relax your muscles, bones, and mind entirely and envision ocean waves splashing your body. Something about the calming effect of the Ocean is nicer to think about than what's actually going on. 
2. Massage – During all three of my labors, I apply some counter pressure of the area that felt affected (stomach or back, depending on what kind of labor you're having).
3. Counting – During my last labor, I somehow got the idea to start counting to 30 during each contraction. The contraction was “building up” for 1-15 and “descending” for 15-30. I vaguely remember hearing that contractions are 30 seconds long which is where the idea came from. I would just look forward to getting to 15 knowing that 16-30 were going to be down-hill. 
4. Ask Questions – I ask lots of questions during labor. Things I want to know “what’s that tool?” “what are you going to do now?” “when are you going to turn the pitocin up?” “how dilated am I now?” “how is it looking?” “what are you doing with that?” I think building a dialogue with your nurse is helpful as well and will make you feel at ease. Additionally, if you can anticipate anything at all that's coming, you can relax.
5. Don't be afraid to move. During my first labor I laid flat on my back, rolling from side to side. During my second and third, I moved around a lot more. It helped SO much. Thing about if you have a stomach ache and need to walk around, change positions, change your clothes, all of these things help you get more comfortable in labor, too. Take your socks off...put them on...hair up, hair down, whatever you have to do. 
6. Know that once you get to transition, you’re almost finished! My friend (who has home births) was told by her midwife that most people beg for the epidural at transition when they are almost finish. It is the hardest part, just know that the contractions don’t get more painful – just closer together. 
7. Know that IT WILL BE OVER! I kid you not, once the baby is out you’ll most likely go “ahhhhhhhh so much better!!”
8. Relax – if you can relax your mind and muscles, you will get through much easier. If you tense up, it may slow things down.
9. Don’t be afraid to push. When considering natural childbirth, I thought that it would feel like every one of my bones was breaking as the baby came down. Thankfully, I was wrong. I’ve had two natural childbirths. Pushing relieves the pressure of the contractions and you’ll find the motivation to do so just knowing that you’re that much closer to being done with each push. 
10. Watch some videos about birth on YouTube. I gained a lot of motivation by knowing that other women have positive NCB experiences. Terms to search for: hypno-birth, water birth, natural childbirth, natural birth, birth, ncb, etc.

When it all comes down to it, you are going through labor and delivery for one reason – to have a sweet, adorable, loveable baby. No matter how he or she gets here – via natural birth with or without pain management or via c-section, you will do a great job! 


If you have any tips on labor and delivery, comment below! 

Up 10lbs!

I'm one of those people that hops on the scale at the doctors office and closes her eyes before the number pops up. I've been dieting since I was a young teenager and to see my weight go up - often times by drastic amounts - makes me cringe. So, I take the "if I don't see it, it's not really happening" approach. I realized, though, at my last Dr. appointment that that's one of the ways food/weight loss has been a stronghold in my life. When I weighed-in at my last appointment, I was happy to see I've only gained 10lbs so far this pregnancy. I'm the lady that's gained 10lbs or more in a month in past pregnancies. My goal, this time, is to gain a normal amount of weight (25-30lbs) not the 60-70 I usually gain.

Any guesses why I would gain that much? Noooooo...not because of a medical condition. Not because I was "eating for two." It was because I was feeding my mis-trusting heart - nothing to do with the baby or my own nutritional needs.  I used my 300 extra pregnancy calories a day as an excuse to feed my anxiety about all of the "what ifs" in pregnancy. Obviously, this isn't a very effective anti-anxiety tool because my 300 calories turned into 900, 1,200, I don't know, 5,000 or more a day? I really needed to try something else. 

This time, I am trying something else. I'm spending a lot more time with my Bible and in prayer than with my favorite flavor of ice cream or brand of cookies. I have to say, it's working. 10lbs at nearly halfway through my pregnancy is pretty big for me. I still weigh way more than I need to due to past anxiety eating, but we'll deal with that after the baby is born. I'm just thankful to be able to trust in the Lord and not in my 44oz cup of pop.

Thank you, Lord, for getting me through every single day!

New blog, new beginning.

FreeFoto.com | By: Ian Britton

I turned the big 3-0 last year and, though I brushed it off as no big deal, I was really kind of distracted by the whole thing. Distracted by thoughts like - my career isn't right yet, I'm not in good enough shape, I haven't done this or that, etc. Being so distracted is real bummer when you have an 8-5 job and three kids five and under at home. This feeling went on for many months and I knew something had to change, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I felt like that big mile marker 30 thing had to happen, I just couldn't figure out what it was or why I was so discontent. I'm pretty laid back with most things, but this time my inner only-child was getting squirmy.

I looked everywhere for insight...in open job opportunities, in conversation with friends, in getting another degree, in new missions. Nothing was coming into focus. However, when I finally got off my hobby horse, I looked where I should have been looking all along - to the Lord! I finally saw this as I was witnessing to someone else. I remember saying, to her, that when we're fighting against life so hard, it's often because we're not trusting the Lord and trying to control everything ourselves. Um, ding. ding. ding. I'm so guilty on that one. I was having a conversation with her, but realized at that moment, I was really having it with myself just the same. All this time, I was looking inward when I should have been looking out.

In the days and months that followed, the Lord kept putting my nose in Proverbs 31. I think He wanted me to keep reading it until I got the point and one day, it finally clicked. He showed me that the only place for me was at home, taking care of my husband and children so I could work to be like the virtuous woman He calls all wives and mothers to be in Proverbs 31. My heart was so convicted and I knew that Corporate America didn't need me, but my family desperately did. How could I not have seen that before? As I was waiting for the right timing to quit, I decided to start "training" for my new full-time job. I started listening to sermons online, listening to audio apologetics books, soaking in the Word, praying much more, and learning to TRUST Him and not rely on myself.

It finally came time for me to quit. Finally, finally, finally. And, right before I was about to do so, I kept hearing this verse, once from my sister-in-law when I randomly asked her what her favorite verse was and a few times on the radio, all in the matter of a couple days...

Philippians 4:6-7 - ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

I found it a little odd that I kept hearing the same verse repeatedly. I felt like something was going to happen. It was just SO apparent to me that the Lord was putting that verse in my face for a reason. A couple days later, I got the [+] sign that means we'll have another little one in tow in a few months. Wait...what? I'm really glad the Lord had me practicing that whole trust bit; even knowing that this would mean paying for expensive private insurance or not having any, with the blessing of my husband, I quit anyway. Instead of worrying, for once, I kept trusting. 


The Lord knew about ALL of this before I did. I can only assume that's why he was preparing my heart with all that time to soak in the Word. A sticky-wicket like health insurance doesn't change His holy Word and I wasn't going to let it chase me back into my self-seeking ways either. He provides and He is amazing!

Now, as a little disclaimer, I *do* believe that the best place for a wife and mom is at home, if you're able. If you're not able to stay at home (and many women aren't these days), I still feel that you need to take care of your family in all of the ways the Lord instructs. I wish I would have obeyed that instruction years ago instead of doing my own thing.