The last 30.

I shielded my eyes from the scale through all my prenatal visits with baby #4. When I showed up to my 6wk check-up, though, I wanted to know if I'd actually made any progress with my blindfolded postpartum weight loss mission. So, I asked. 

"How much did I weigh at my last prenatal visit?" 

"222," The nurse replied. 

Insert, big sigh.

Thinking back to when I got pregnant with baby #3 just two years before, I weighed 144 and was still losing - nearly to my original pre-pregnancy weight. I wasn't doing anything special, but I was focused.

Big sigh. I'd made it down to 198 in six weeks after baby #4, but the amount I had left to lose was terribly daunting; my days were consumed with this number and how every bite of food, step taken or not, affected it. Every time I get dressed, I think about it. Every time I see my reflection, I think about it. It's strangely discouraging and encouraging all at the same time. If I'm honest, I'll tell you that this just made me want to eat more. 

In September of that year, two months after my baby girl was born, I started eating clean. This meant no refined carbs or added sugars. Basically no white stuff - bread, rice, potatoes, flour, etc. This worked really well for me. So well in fact that I was able to get back into the 150s. I have gained weight back here and there, but I've been able to keep weight off better than with any "diet" I've tried in the past - and I've tried them all. I've struggled with binge eating and sugar addiction for as long as I can remember, and ultimately that's stopped me from reaching my final goal. 

I can't even tell you how many weekends I've been overwhelmed with this journey and needed a break, which ultimately lead to me eating whatever I wanted with a Monday start-over date. Sometimes that Monday got pushed back a week or two, hindering my goals once again. I'm not talking about over eating a few meals; I'm talking about eating many times over my daily caloric intake - not because I'm hungry, just because. Binge eating is an eating disorder and if you're doing it, you need to be well-aware and learn how to stop it.  For me, it's accountability through MyFitnessPal and avoiding sugar. The moment I stop paying attention, is the very same moment I start making poor choices and get off track. 

I don't have that daunting number in front of me anymore, friends. I don't have 92 pounds to lose, but after re-connecting with my scale this morning, I see that I do have 30. I would like to finish this up so I can stop being discouraged by this bite-by-bite life and start living for real.

Here's to counting calories.

Here's to clean eating.

Here's to being active.

Here's to another Monday.

Here's to commitment. 

Here's to being aware.

Here's to accountability. 

Here's to the last 30 pounds.

Who's with me? 

I am, and always will be,

a sugar addict. We're not talking ha-ha funny-funny Tess likes her sweets kind of stuff, guys. We're
talking Tess can sit down to the table and eat a pound of sugar encrusted pretzels, then move on to cookies and sweet tea an hour later sorta serious business. We're saying that once that trigger is pulled, there's no telling how many processed bad-for-you gonna-kill-you-sooner-or-later foods I'll eat, or for how many days. We're saying that I might roll through the Starbucks drive-thru every darn day to get the biggest sugariest latte they have because I need it. We're saying that I just flat-out have an eating disorder. I always have. While I don't like dealing with it, I know that the Lord gives us ALL struggles and through those we can grow closer to Him.

I've had to "quit" sugar about four times now. It's never fun, but it's always when I'm at a breaking point with my weight - my favorite pants don't fit, my collar bone is missing again, and I just feel a little more sluggish than normal. Over the last few months, some stressful circumstances triggered me to start eating crap again. Not literal crap, you guys. Processed, sugary, carb-laden, fatty-fat food that has no place in my body. That's what I'm talking about. About the same time, I also completely abandoned my daily workouts. I'm all or nothing, folks. Not only do I look and feel fatter, I just don't feel good. And, my skin is revolting with all sorts of special blemishes that will look mighty fine in Christmas photos as well. Oh, wait, I have Photoshop for that. Anywho, I can't liquify and clone stamp myself every day before I walk out the door, so it's going to have to be nose to the grindstone clean eating again.

It might be two weeks before Christmas, and no time to start watching my food intake, but I'm tired of it. I texted my fat-pants-woes to a sweet friend today and she said - Let's do sugar free till Christmas. Starting NOW!! I obliged and had a clean lunch. So, here we go. I'm going to try my hardest not to cheat and hopefully we'll be feeling better by the new year and on the straight and narrow to keep eating well every. single. day. as well as seeking HIM more when things are stressful instead of taking it out on a bag of chips and a package of Oreos.  :)

There's no catch; no program to follow; no pill to swallow; just clean, simple, whole-foods living.

No added sugar.
No white flour, rice, potatoes, etc.
No processed (boxed/packaged/bar coded) foods.
No fancy coffees.
No alcohol.

Who's with us?

PS. Sugar addiction really is serious business. If you think you may be addicted to sugar, please visit the following site: http://endsugaraddiction.com/ and this one: http://www.healthiertalk.com/sugar-more-addictive-heroin-1374

Even my eyelids feel fatter.

I'm not even kidding.

I got on the scale this morning (because I know my summer break eating has gotten a weeeeeee bit out of control). Guess what. It's not happy news, and my eyelids probably are fatter. I've gained SIX pounds. SIX! Do you know how disciplined I had to be to lose that six pounds over the last few months? Ugh. More disciplined than I want to be right now. I'm not writing this post so you can pat me on my fat-back and say it's okay to enjoy indulge now and then; I'm writing it because, after-all, this blog is called Daily Ups and Pounds. If you ever wondered why, now you know. For me, and probably the majority of the world's adult population, weight is a daily battle. Sometimes it goes really well (those are the ups), and sometimes our eyelids and elbows and toes and collarbones do, indeed, feel fatter (those are the pounds).

Most of the weight I gained previously was due to anxiety. The weight I gained over the last couple months, however, just flat out recreational eating. Summer is a super difficult time to maintain control. Even my husband, who happens to weigh about what he did in high school, admits this. SOOOO, now is not the time to sit down and cry with a box of Entemans chocolate donuts. It's time to login to My (freaking) Fitness Pal, get on a workout schedule, and show the scale who's boss (again).

Amen?

It's Monday. It's the first of the month. There's really no better time to start a new regimen for us OCD folks - let's go! Here's what I'm going to do to make it happen:

1. Eat clean - first and foremost. Eating clean is the best thing you can do for your over-all health - no added (or artificial) sugars and no processed foods. I love eating this way, but every now and then I am tempted by some good old fashioned junk food. 
2. Track calories and activity using My Fitness Pal - I really hate doing this, but I know it works. I'm a big list maker/chart checker/rule follower, so...while I hate to record every bite, lick and taste, I just have to - for now, anyway.
3. Workout - OH, there's something else that I don't care for. If I have thirty minutes of time to do something for myself, I'd prefer it to be something I like. For example: reading a book, snapping some photos, drawing, thrift store shopping or garage sale-ing. However, none of those things are helping my current situation. My "plan" is to do Beach Body's Turbo Fire. I have a 30-day schedule for it already and it starts on the first (darn it). I might as well just do it.
4. Drink Water - I don't drink my suggested daily intake of water because I'm mostly just inconvenienced by having to pause life and go to the bathroom so often. That's all. I love water. I just don't like to visit the bathroom so often. 
5. Quit Coffee - Ok, I know. You all just gasped. I've quit coffee before, and here's why... I love flavored creamer (you know, the kind that's filled with all sorts of artificial crap that I shouldn't be ingesting? The kind that tastes like candy and cakes and pies and all sorts of wonderful in a warm cup of happiness?). Yeah. I have no idea how many calories I pour into my cup each morning. I suppose I could measure, but I could also just do what's right and get it out of my diet completely, too. I'll manage, I'm just not sure how I'll be able to work out without it...

So, friends, that's my plan. What's yours?