Mini Update - Happy new year!!

Hi friends,

We made it through all the holidays, did you?? This is our family business's busiest time of year and
our first year juggling the busy season, homeschool, pregnancy and a few home renovations all in a very short amount of time! It seems that this season of craziness has come to a resting place, though, and we are ready to return to normal life...until this spring when the baby shows up. :)

I'll admit, after losing a ton of weight and being in the best shape of my adult life, it is kind of hard to go back in the other direction for the better part of a year. I'm not getting wound-up about it, though, because I know post-partum fitness is attainable! This pregnancy, I am focusing on maintaining a (mostly) clean and vegetarian diet, and simply not over eating or binge eating. I am allowing myself grace when it comes to cravings, but not letting them overpower my goal for having a healthy pregnancy. I'm also doing my best to drink more water. That's always been a problem for me in pregnancies past. It's not that I don't love water, I just don't like to be bothered with so many trips to the bathroom so I ignore my fluid intake. I know - bad. bad. bad.

I've had the oddest cravings (for me) this pregnancy... ginger, green beans, lemon meringue pie, carrots, eggs, toothpaste (two different kinds...no I'm not eating that); and sharp cheeses.

I have also been posting some kid-friendly dinner recipes on my Facebook page and hope to report some of those to you, as well. Let me know what kinds of things you'd like to see and I will add them to our meal plan. :) We also got a new crockpot and waffle maker for Christmas, so hopefully I can post about some fun recipes on that end, soon, as well.

Meanwhile? You *might* want to check your local Costco to see if this Trek Mix is in stock. It is SO MUCH FLAVOR. And? I don't feel bad eating it.

There are just some things...

Mmmmm....salad.

That I refuse to stop eating. I've had this conversation with folks several times in real life, and friends have told me it's re-assuring, so here's the blog version.

Friend: "Sooooo, you don't eat processed foods or refined carbs, right? Now you don't eat meat either? What DO you eat (weirdo)?"

Me: "I eat a clean, un-processed, plant-based diet most of the time. BUT, here's the deal. There are just some foods I'm not willing to give up. If I did, I may never survive this clean eating lifestyle. I love clean foods, don't get me wrong. I love fruit, vegetables, unsweetened tea, Shakeology, brown rice and all that business. BUT...I also love not-so-healthy things, and eating them in moderation isn't wrong, as long as I get right back on track with the next meal."

Here' a list of some of those things on my list: 

Cherry Coke. It's been my favorite for as long as I can remember. It's extra good when it's made behind a bar with a fountain coke and some grenadine. You think? I think. I have maybe one a month, or less and I don't get a refill. Definitely not going to inhibit my clean eating lifestyle at that rate.

Pizza. For a variety of reasons, it would basically be sacrilegious for me to stop eating pizza. I love it. It loves me. I will eat any kind of pizza from the gourmet variety shown below to sick-nasty freezer pizza. I love it all. I even LOVVVVVE cauliflower crust pizza, which is clean! If I had to pick one meal to eat for the rest of my life, it would probably be pizza. Again, I usually only eat it on special occasions - birthdays, anniversaries or other parties.

Cherry Cordial Ice Cream from UDF. I'll be honest, when I started clean eating almost two years ago, I stopped eating dairy regularly. It wasn't intentional, it just sort of happened. Now, when I eat ice cream, it makes my stomach hurt. Sooooo....I reserve my ice cream indulgences for Homemade Brand (aka UDF) Cherry Cordial. Seriously - best ever - worth the hurt. Been my favorite for many o' years. Yes, my favorite ice cream comes from a gas station. S-U-E  M-E.

Oh, also? If you're going to do this, go get ice cream OUT. Yes, it's more expensive this way, but guess what...there's not a chance that you're going to take a box of ice cream to bed with you and be really super sorry the next morning when you wake up with a spoon glued to your face and an empty ice cream box on your bedside table. Just saying.

Donuts. If you've known me for more than thirty seconds, you know that I've never met a donut I didn't like. My favorite? I know you want to know. Boston cream aka bavarian cream aka long john, etc. I just can't even. I remember getting donuts with my dad so many times growing up. My husband and I used to go for donuts on Friday and Saturday nights, in college, and today I go on donut dates with two of my friends and all the kids. It doesn't happen often at all and I try to reserve these indulgences for special occasions; but, no, I won't turn down a donut. Ever. Don't even try to tell me they cause XY or Z. I'll keep eating them. Donut diva for life! 

Coffee. Yeah. If we go on vacation, the Keurig comes, too. Guess what guys, I have four kids. Having a cup of coffee is like my own personal Happy Hour. I even use that toxic candy flavored liquid creamer (but only a tablespoon). That's right, no shame. Try to pry this Starbucks cup out of my hot little hand, I dare ya'.

So, there you have it. Even hardcore foodies like me can survive the clean eating life. I've managed to lose 40+ pounds while still eating this crap every now and then. I try not to take "breaks" (unless I'm incredibly off the tracks and that's a topic for another post) and I don't take whole days off - just one "treat" meal one time a week.

So, go for it! Have that donut and then get back to your veggies. 

The last 30.

I shielded my eyes from the scale through all my prenatal visits with baby #4. When I showed up to my 6wk check-up, though, I wanted to know if I'd actually made any progress with my blindfolded postpartum weight loss mission. So, I asked. 

"How much did I weigh at my last prenatal visit?" 

"222," The nurse replied. 

Insert, big sigh.

Thinking back to when I got pregnant with baby #3 just two years before, I weighed 144 and was still losing - nearly to my original pre-pregnancy weight. I wasn't doing anything special, but I was focused.

Big sigh. I'd made it down to 198 in six weeks after baby #4, but the amount I had left to lose was terribly daunting; my days were consumed with this number and how every bite of food, step taken or not, affected it. Every time I get dressed, I think about it. Every time I see my reflection, I think about it. It's strangely discouraging and encouraging all at the same time. If I'm honest, I'll tell you that this just made me want to eat more. 

In September of that year, two months after my baby girl was born, I started eating clean. This meant no refined carbs or added sugars. Basically no white stuff - bread, rice, potatoes, flour, etc. This worked really well for me. So well in fact that I was able to get back into the 150s. I have gained weight back here and there, but I've been able to keep weight off better than with any "diet" I've tried in the past - and I've tried them all. I've struggled with binge eating and sugar addiction for as long as I can remember, and ultimately that's stopped me from reaching my final goal. 

I can't even tell you how many weekends I've been overwhelmed with this journey and needed a break, which ultimately lead to me eating whatever I wanted with a Monday start-over date. Sometimes that Monday got pushed back a week or two, hindering my goals once again. I'm not talking about over eating a few meals; I'm talking about eating many times over my daily caloric intake - not because I'm hungry, just because. Binge eating is an eating disorder and if you're doing it, you need to be well-aware and learn how to stop it.  For me, it's accountability through MyFitnessPal and avoiding sugar. The moment I stop paying attention, is the very same moment I start making poor choices and get off track. 

I don't have that daunting number in front of me anymore, friends. I don't have 92 pounds to lose, but after re-connecting with my scale this morning, I see that I do have 30. I would like to finish this up so I can stop being discouraged by this bite-by-bite life and start living for real.

Here's to counting calories.

Here's to clean eating.

Here's to being active.

Here's to another Monday.

Here's to commitment. 

Here's to being aware.

Here's to accountability. 

Here's to the last 30 pounds.

Who's with me? 

I am, and always will be,

a sugar addict. We're not talking ha-ha funny-funny Tess likes her sweets kind of stuff, guys. We're
talking Tess can sit down to the table and eat a pound of sugar encrusted pretzels, then move on to cookies and sweet tea an hour later sorta serious business. We're saying that once that trigger is pulled, there's no telling how many processed bad-for-you gonna-kill-you-sooner-or-later foods I'll eat, or for how many days. We're saying that I might roll through the Starbucks drive-thru every darn day to get the biggest sugariest latte they have because I need it. We're saying that I just flat-out have an eating disorder. I always have. While I don't like dealing with it, I know that the Lord gives us ALL struggles and through those we can grow closer to Him.

I've had to "quit" sugar about four times now. It's never fun, but it's always when I'm at a breaking point with my weight - my favorite pants don't fit, my collar bone is missing again, and I just feel a little more sluggish than normal. Over the last few months, some stressful circumstances triggered me to start eating crap again. Not literal crap, you guys. Processed, sugary, carb-laden, fatty-fat food that has no place in my body. That's what I'm talking about. About the same time, I also completely abandoned my daily workouts. I'm all or nothing, folks. Not only do I look and feel fatter, I just don't feel good. And, my skin is revolting with all sorts of special blemishes that will look mighty fine in Christmas photos as well. Oh, wait, I have Photoshop for that. Anywho, I can't liquify and clone stamp myself every day before I walk out the door, so it's going to have to be nose to the grindstone clean eating again.

It might be two weeks before Christmas, and no time to start watching my food intake, but I'm tired of it. I texted my fat-pants-woes to a sweet friend today and she said - Let's do sugar free till Christmas. Starting NOW!! I obliged and had a clean lunch. So, here we go. I'm going to try my hardest not to cheat and hopefully we'll be feeling better by the new year and on the straight and narrow to keep eating well every. single. day. as well as seeking HIM more when things are stressful instead of taking it out on a bag of chips and a package of Oreos.  :)

There's no catch; no program to follow; no pill to swallow; just clean, simple, whole-foods living.

No added sugar.
No white flour, rice, potatoes, etc.
No processed (boxed/packaged/bar coded) foods.
No fancy coffees.
No alcohol.

Who's with us?

PS. Sugar addiction really is serious business. If you think you may be addicted to sugar, please visit the following site: http://endsugaraddiction.com/ and this one: http://www.healthiertalk.com/sugar-more-addictive-heroin-1374

Perhaps I should blog something.

But I've been busy - cleaning the house; changing diapers; taking a million bajillion photos with my new camera; reading; did I say laundry?; having birthdays for half our kids; living up the last of summer; shopping at my new favorite used book store; hugging on my babies who are getting so big; waiting for friends to have their babies so I can go hug on them, too; going on my first girls night out since 2011 - yeah, I'm a neglectful friend like that; wearing my flip-flops thin; thinking about working out, but not actually doing it; listening to the new Derek Webb album (which is awesome, btw); getting ready to send the kids back to school and, of course, not eating what I'm supposed to. Oh, yeah, and more laundry.

I promise to up the blogging ante once my littles are back in school. Summer is basically a free-for-all when it comes to our schedules. For now, I'll leave you with something completely random. The other day, a friend of mine told me she wanted to try out Trader Joe's. If you've read this blog for more than a hot second, you probably know that I big-warm-fuzzy-heart TJ's. I love it so much that I made her a comprehensive shopping list to make her trip more enjoyable. This is big, you guys, because I don't shop with a list. I wouldn't stick to it anyway; so, why bother? SO, all TJ's stock different things, but I think I've listed some of their staples, here. Check it out and happy shopping. PS. The aisle designations are from our TJ's and likely won't match up to yours. PPS. This isn't meant to be a "clean eating" list.

Notes about shopping TJ's: 

• No, the prices aren't out of control.
• Yes, it's kid friendly. I take all four kids by myself and make it out alive every single time. They have lollis and stickers at the checkouts. 
• Yes, they have bags, but it's cool if you bring your own.

Aisle 1 (all the way to the left and left of the fruit)

• Ezekiel 4:9 cinnamon raisin bread
• Oat bread (for the kids)
• Hummus quartet
• Mild salsa
• English cucumber (aka seedless/burp less)
• Bananas
• Clementine Oranges
• Other fruit, veggie, eggplant, avocado

(Opposite side of first aisle)

• Almond butter
• Honey
• Maple syrup
• Many clove garlic sauce
• Brown rice pasta
• Brown basmati rice
• Marinara sauce
• Marinated artichokes

(Dairy aisle along back wall)

• Eggs
• Butter
• Almond milk
• Greek yogurt
• The chocolate pudding is pretty much amazing

(Aisle 2 - Frozen foods)

• Orange chicken
• Sockeye salmon
• Cat cookies (cinnamon) - look on the shelf above frozen foods
• Chinese potstickers and/or egg rolls
• Strawberry coconut milk ice cream
• Coffee and cream latte bars (these are SO good)

(Aisle 3 - Snacks and such)

• Olive oil popcorn
• Veggie chips
• Quinoa black bean chips (all 6 of us eat these) - good in the hummus
• Hot tea, if you like tea

(Aisle 4) I can't remember...I think it's soaps, toothpaste, protein powder, etc. I don't get any of that there.

(Back wall cereal aisle)

• Puffins (original and PB) all of our kids and the hubs and I love puffins!!
• Chia seeds
• Oats

(Far wall with meat)

• Love the Bool Kogi (for the grill - it's TJ's version of Korean Bulgogi)
• Hebrew National Hot Dogs - safe alternative to regular hot dogs
• Chicken breasts
• Any other meat that looks good
• Havarti lite cheese
• Dubliner Irish Cheddar
• Cheese sticks
• Turkey breast, salami, etc.

If you like adult beverages, the Newton's Folly hard cider is delicious. Trader Jose's beer is good, too. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I hear the laundry room calling.

Why My Fitness Pal really is your friend...

Tess didn't quite exercise today. So sad, too bad.

I really don't feel like keeping a food journal, you guys. I'd much rather cross my fingers day after day and hope that I'm not overeating. Sadly, as I told you yesterday, that hasn't been working out so well for me lately. I spent a little extra time with MFP tonight (just before starting this post), finishing my food diary for the day and adding some of my favorite recipes to the database so I won't have an excuse to eat with reckless abandon later.

This is what 1oz of hummus
(and 1 cup of cucumber) looks like.
I know you always wanted to know.

While doing so, I realized how important MFP really is, and here's why...

I made a scrumptious jar of overnight oats (complete with a delicious FRESH peach) that will be ready to eat when I wake up tomorrow. While my oats have all "clean" and healthy ingredients, I was kind of surprised when I did the math in MFP. That little jar = 400+ calories. What! I could almost have a McGriddle for that (I know, I know, I could also have clogged arteries, too). All of the little things really do add up and it's super important that we pay attention to them as not to over-eat.  I'm not going to drive myself nuts trying to eat exactly 1,200 calories a day, but I will certainly use that as a baseline and try not to go much over. Just knowing that I'm going to put down 400 calories at breakfast tomorrow morning will allow me to plan my meals accordingly for the rest of the day. Looks like more hummus, cucumber and a piece of fruit for lunch tomorrow. Speaking of that...I also measured out 1 oz of hummus today (as not to over eat there either); Let's just say, I probably usually eat 12 servings a day. MFP is really putting things in perspective for me, and it's only been one day! I'm hoping all this "homework" pays off quickly.

Also...

If you look at my little graphic, above, you'll see a big fat -0- under the exercise column. I know I said  that I was going to start Turbo Fire today. Well, you see, I also said I was going to quit coffee today. Guess which one I did? My word. No coffee = no energy. I had a unsweetened tea mid-day, but that basically just kept my eyes open enough to cook, serve, and clean up dinner and keep the children from tearing the house down for the remainder of the day. Tomorrow, I'm going to try Dandy Blend. It's supposed to be a seamless replacement for coffee. We'll see. I'll report back on how awesome (or not) it is after I try it out.

Cheers, y'all!

I've been spared!

You guys. Even the cleanest of eaters and the most reformed sugar addicts have trouble with Christmasy goodies, right?! Please tell me yes. So far, I've made it through Halloween, Thanksgiving, and the following weeks without gaining weight (and continuing to lose). However, I've been baking for Christmas parties/gifts lately and somewhat losing my mind in the process. Allow me to elaborate.

On Sunday, my mom made some darling sugar cut-out cookies. Of course, I'm lost in the nostalgia - remembering how those were my favorite as a little child. I can remember picking out all of the star cookies, iced in yellow and blue, made by my Uncle Tony and Aunt Diane. They were always my favorite cookie. Fast-forward to Monday. I really wanted some buckeyes - another family favorite. However...the bowl to my stand-mixer was in the dishwasher and I didn't feel like washing it. So, I make no-bakes. I ate four....and ate the remnants stuck to the side of the mixing bowl. Sigh. The next day, I decided to make chocolate dipped pretzel rods as part of my daughter's teacher gift. I've blogged before about what crappy baker I am. So, let's just say there were about half a dozen "test pretzels." What do you do with ugly baked goods, you ask? You eat them before anyone else sees them, OF COURSE! So, after I mindlessly ate the pretzel rods (then ran one of the no-bakes through the melted white chocolate AND ate an additional no-bake AND about four spoonfuls of melted chocolate and a handful of sprinkles), I felt really bad. I immediately tattled on myself to my husband, who hugged me and said I'd be ok. I told you I was a binge-eater, right?! Apparently, old habits die hard. Not that it's a game-changer, but to add to my downward spiral, I ate white rice, (oh, the horror), two days in a row.

I felt sick to my stomach. Pretty defeated. Pretty irritated for eating all that. I really wanted to avoid the scale this morning. I didn't want to see that nasty higher number staring back at me. However, I remembered that that's how I got into this predicament in the first place. So, I stepped on the scale.

-.6. I'm at my lowest weight yet on this journey - down a total of 31ish pounds. 

Seriously? I lost weight after a few days of destructive eating? THANK YOU, LORD!!!! I'm taking this as a second-chance. I've been spared. I'm committing to NO MORE BAKED GOODS until we're actually at a Christmas event. That means so test-bites, no licking beaters, no eating random sprinkles off the counter. After-all, I think holiday weight-gain really comes from leftovers anyway. No one gains 12lbs in a day, but eating that delicious crap day-after-day will certainly do it to you (as it's done to me year after year).

So, I will continue to avoid leftovers and will boycott the baked goods for now. Who's with me?