Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Grace, Peace, and Snow.

I wasn't always afraid to drive in the snow. It's something that started when I was pregnant with baby
number one and has never subsided - pregnant or not. A few years ago, when I was expecting number three, I had a major project due at at work on the same morning we woke up to a snowfall that had started over night. School was canceled for the kids, but I had to be at work to finish this job. My sister-in-law trekked over, sliding all over the place, to watch our children. When she arrived, I begrudgingly bundled up and headed out the door.

The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that my ginormous Ford Expedition would end up sliding off the road and I'd end up killing myself and others, too. In my head, I was hearing the news story about how my drive would end up. I was willing to drive 2mph the entire way as long as it meant that I'd be there safe. Unfortunately, I couldn't even do that. As soon as I reached the top of our neighborhood, I decided to go back home, even if it meant losing my job. I didn't care. I drove about half a mile down to find a safe turn around spot. By the time I reached the entrance of our neighborhood again, I was having a full-blown anxiety attack. One of the biggest I can remember. I turned left out of the straight lane. People were honking at me. I was feeling very faint and I couldn't think clearly at all. As I pulled down our street, I saw our daughter standing in our yard and the big Ford Expy started sliding all over the road. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't react. All I could think about was her running out into the road as I was sliding about. I was completely paralyzed by something that likely was in my head. It took me two hours to recuperate. And, yes, I finished the project at home and kept my job.

Ever since then, I've sworn off driving in the snow. Fast-forward to this morning. At the beginning of the school year, I volunteered to be a driver for our oldest daughter's field trip. She was so excited to have me come along and when we woke up this morning - though it's October and pretty much unseasonable - the snow was coming down. So, not only did I have to drive our children to school in these conditions - I also had to drive other people's children - which piled on the anxiety. I was a nervous wreck as soon as I saw the radar. I was hoping the trip would be canceled, so I called the school before I left the house. The trip was on; I was panicking.

I KNEW that I had to do it. I knew that succumbing to fear was the wrong thing to do. So, I loaded up the kids and we drove. As we pulled down the same road where I'd had the major anxiety attack before, my heart started racing. I felt my throat tightening. I could hardly swallow my Luna Bar for goodness sakes (those aren't clean, by the way). My wipers were going full-speed; I was driving slow and shusshing the children at even the slightest sound.

Then, this song pops into my head and I start to sing the chorus over and over again.

Then, I'm calm. Totally calm. The snow and rain slows and, the phone rings. 

It's the school. The trip is canceled. 

Deep breaths. 

Sometimes, I seriously think the Lord gives us challenges (big or small) just so we'll draw closer to Him. He knows my fears; He knows them very well and, He knows how to calm them. I obviously can't judge His intentions, but I think he had me in the drivers seat this morning so I'd remember who really drives my life in the sunshine and the snowfall. And, PRAISE HIM, I'm not the one doing the driving. I am thankful that He gives us comfort and shows us that He's truly there, in every circumstance. 

So, on the way home, I flipped on Grace & Peace - listened to it three or four times in a row - and went to Starbucks. :) 

Phil 4:6  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 comment:

  1. Awesome post Tess! Makes me smile what the Lord did in you today through a snowfall in October... who'd have thought, right?


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