Attention: Blessings may be closer than they appear.

If I had to rank each day on a scale of difficulty, 1-10, with 10 being the type of day where I'd like to start chain smoking, yesterday was about a 12. As a whole, it wasn't like they formed a mob and rose up against me or anything, just a few things happened that nearly sent me over the edge. And, you should know, I'm not one that tarries particularly close to the edge. It really takes a lot.

It was cold, dark and rainy yesterday so we were stuck inside all day long. After half-a-day of this, the minions start getting restless and that's when trouble sometimes ensues. The baby (two-year-old) was all dreaming up sugar plums up in her bed; one child was watching a movie; one was parked at the kitchen table (coloring, I assumed); and the other was upstairs doing something, I don't know, blowing her nose for like 20 minutes. Since I appeared to have a break, I settled into my favorite couch with Pinterest open, some cozy pillows and a fall blend of oils diffusing to my left. All was well, I tell you. Then? The child who had been upstairs came down and says to me... "Mom, sprinkles are everywhere." I said, "ok, clean them up." Three minutes later, "mom, I can't." Odd from my quick-to-help child who LOVES to vacuum and sweep. I went in to inspect. 

The child who had been sitting quietly at the kitchen table somehow tossed? exploded? dropped? ...who knows... a bulk container of round sprinkles. My friends. In my almost eight-and-a-half years of mothering, I don't know if I have ever seen such a wide spread mess. Sprinkles filled every grout line, covered every tile, traveled to the next room and blanketed my yoga mat. Have mercy. To say there was a million of them was probably not much of an exaggeration. As we started vacuuming them up, the vacuum was spitting them back at me. I emptied the vacuum canister and, of course, spilled the contents of that back on the floor. Though annoyed, I remained pretty calm (I'm going to pin that on the oils I was diffusing...). About 45 minutes later, and one kid with peed-pants later, we got it mostly cleaned up though I don't doubt we will be finding sprinkles around for the next five years. 

I sent the kids upstairs to get socks and appropriate clothes on for dinner out and, in that time, they decided to get rowdy. And then I heard, "wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." The baby, who was dreaming every so fondly of sugar plums, was now awake...like an hour too early. I banished a kid to the couch and sent the other off to do chores while we waited on dad to get home - all cited with excessive noise violations during rest-time hours. Sigh. 

The rest of the evening was pretty status-quo. We had a couple of pre-bedtime meltdowns from kids who wanted ice cream and homemade cookies produced at 8:30pm. I wasn't about to get kids wired up again before I was home-free for the day. I sent the sprinkle-dropper upstairs to bed and I followed with her baby sister. After I had baby sister in bed, I went back downstairs to grab my computer and other things. I crawled into bed and settled in to Pinterest while waiting for everyone else to come up. When my husband came upstairs about 10 minutes later, I said..."have you seen #3 (sprinkle-dropper)?" He said, "No? Let me see where she is."

We couldn't find her. Anywhere. 

ANYWHERE. 

After we'd searched every hiding place in the house, we still couldn't find her. 

All of the worst things were going through my head now. We tore apart every bed. Threw open every drawer and closet door. Exploded every laundry pile. We yelled her name in every corner. Nothing. Not a sign. Not a trace. How could we lose a child in our house? We never heard any doors open, but could she have somehow gone outside? Surely she wouldn't go into the dark rainy abyss. I started feeling really sick and imagined someone taking off with her right from our home. What did the perp look like? What kind of car? What was she wearing? I wouldn't be able to explain any of it. I didn't know how we would explain this to the police, but I pictured the headlines and we have never been so close to calling them. 

Absolutely frantic, I went back into our bedroom and threw the covers off of our bed (where I was just laying moments before). 

This child. There she was, sleeping soundly - angelically even - fully covered in our blankets. 

She went upstairs and thought it would be fun get under our covers and hide so we'd be surprised to find her when we got into bed. Before we had a chance to find her, she fell asleep fully covered in blankets and had sunk in to the memory foam mattress a little, which is why I didn't notice her RIGHT NEXT TO ME as I laid in bed. Even my husband looked through our room three times and under the bed. We moved her, as she slept soundly never realizing that we almost called in the troops for her return. We praised JESUS over and over and over and I consider it a lesson learned. 

Sometimes our blessings come in ways unexpected, friends. Sometimes they are hard days and things that are there to teach us patience, mercy, forgiveness, etc. And, sometimes, they are right beside us and we get SO caught up in panic and mis-trust that we don't even notice them. I am STILL praising the Lord this morning that our child wasn't really missing. We are going to spend the morning doing some fun projects together and loving one another intentionally! 

Blessings are all around you, friends, and some may be unexpected and closer than you think. 

Grace, Peace, and Snow.

I wasn't always afraid to drive in the snow. It's something that started when I was pregnant with baby
number one and has never subsided - pregnant or not. A few years ago, when I was expecting number three, I had a major project due at at work on the same morning we woke up to a snowfall that had started over night. School was canceled for the kids, but I had to be at work to finish this job. My sister-in-law trekked over, sliding all over the place, to watch our children. When she arrived, I begrudgingly bundled up and headed out the door.

The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that my ginormous Ford Expedition would end up sliding off the road and I'd end up killing myself and others, too. In my head, I was hearing the news story about how my drive would end up. I was willing to drive 2mph the entire way as long as it meant that I'd be there safe. Unfortunately, I couldn't even do that. As soon as I reached the top of our neighborhood, I decided to go back home, even if it meant losing my job. I didn't care. I drove about half a mile down to find a safe turn around spot. By the time I reached the entrance of our neighborhood again, I was having a full-blown anxiety attack. One of the biggest I can remember. I turned left out of the straight lane. People were honking at me. I was feeling very faint and I couldn't think clearly at all. As I pulled down our street, I saw our daughter standing in our yard and the big Ford Expy started sliding all over the road. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't react. All I could think about was her running out into the road as I was sliding about. I was completely paralyzed by something that likely was in my head. It took me two hours to recuperate. And, yes, I finished the project at home and kept my job.

Ever since then, I've sworn off driving in the snow. Fast-forward to this morning. At the beginning of the school year, I volunteered to be a driver for our oldest daughter's field trip. She was so excited to have me come along and when we woke up this morning - though it's October and pretty much unseasonable - the snow was coming down. So, not only did I have to drive our children to school in these conditions - I also had to drive other people's children - which piled on the anxiety. I was a nervous wreck as soon as I saw the radar. I was hoping the trip would be canceled, so I called the school before I left the house. The trip was on; I was panicking.

I KNEW that I had to do it. I knew that succumbing to fear was the wrong thing to do. So, I loaded up the kids and we drove. As we pulled down the same road where I'd had the major anxiety attack before, my heart started racing. I felt my throat tightening. I could hardly swallow my Luna Bar for goodness sakes (those aren't clean, by the way). My wipers were going full-speed; I was driving slow and shusshing the children at even the slightest sound.

Then, this song pops into my head and I start to sing the chorus over and over again.

Then, I'm calm. Totally calm. The snow and rain slows and, the phone rings. 

It's the school. The trip is canceled. 

Deep breaths. 

Sometimes, I seriously think the Lord gives us challenges (big or small) just so we'll draw closer to Him. He knows my fears; He knows them very well and, He knows how to calm them. I obviously can't judge His intentions, but I think he had me in the drivers seat this morning so I'd remember who really drives my life in the sunshine and the snowfall. And, PRAISE HIM, I'm not the one doing the driving. I am thankful that He gives us comfort and shows us that He's truly there, in every circumstance. 

So, on the way home, I flipped on Grace & Peace - listened to it three or four times in a row - and went to Starbucks. :) 

Phil 4:6  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Purse? Suitcase? You decide.

So, a little while ago, I had the hubs on a manhunt for car keys in the dark and spooky fortress known as, my purse. When he finally found them, he (kindly) mentioned that I may want to "clean that thing out." Ahem. Now, I do know there's a lot of crap in my purse. I mean, my word, I think it's the size of most folks' beach bags, but c'mon. What if I need some most all of that crap that lies within?

I figure most of you can relate, so I thought I'd blog about the contents of my purse (not because you care, but maybe you'll feel better about your own disheveled bags of miscellany). Then, I remembered, my friends over at Mommin' it Up did that already. For the record, I think Emily has more crap than I do, but we'll see. So, here it goes!!

This is my ginormous purse. It's a Retro Metro Elite from Thirty-One. I love, love, love this bag. It's pretty and fully functional as a purse...or beach bag, diaper bag, over-night bag, etc. The only thing that bites is...it doesn't have a top closure. I'm trading that minor inconvenience for the beauty of this bag. Isn't it cute? I am a Thirty-One lady. So, I'm probably partially partial. You know. Just partially.

THIS...is my purse sub-culture. I use the Thirty-One zipper pouch to hold it all together. Contents contain: two bibles (mine and the hubs) so we always know where they are when it's time for church; A box of business cards - because you just never know when an opportunity will present itself; Miscellaneous writing utensils; Some blue nail polish and some body spray (for when I have to go somewhere in public immediately after working out - I prefer not to stink. That's just me, though). 

The obligatory pile of random crap. My pile contains: Chipotle napkins, receipts, straw wrappers, privacy act paperwork from the doctor's office, a slap bracelet and a random piece of string. 

Here are a few things that really are necessities. I know you'll agree... Burt's bees hand creme so my hands don't burst into flames every time I have an excema flare-up; yummy EOS lip balm; random lip gloss that I found in the Target clearance bin; aspartame-free gum that I'm not supposed to be chewing because of TMJ; TJ's ginger mints; and, of course, one of the girls' sunglasses that I'm "carrying" for her....and that don't get worn for more than 30 seconds at a time. 

The true necessities...my ginormous Timeless Wallet (also 31) and a teeny-tiny Fossil wallet where I keep my change. If I didn't have the Fossil wallet, I'd have change lining the bottom of my purse - guaranteed.

Oh, I lied, I have two piles of random papers. This one has my Thirty-One fold-and-go organizer (I think that's what it was called - it's retired now); a Scentsy catalog (because I never know when I'm going to have an opportunity to sell for my cousin); check books and some other random store paperwork and flyers. 

And, last but not least, probably the single most widely used OCD combat tool - hand sanitizer. Let me tell you something. I've destroyyyyyyyyyyyyyyed my skin with this stuff. Absolutely, positively, destroyed it. I used to use it every time I touched something - like shopping carts, gas pumps, other people, mail, the newspaper, door knobs, steering wheels, other people's phones, shoes, other people's pens and pencils, etc). I've used it before and after using anti-bacterial soap on my hands (which I also don't use now). I know. I don't abuse it anymore, but I need it for baby diaper changes on-the-go (because, let's face it, if I have to pick between eczema and toting diaper germs, I'm going to pick the eczema). 

The end! Oh, and if you wonder where my phone lives, it stays in my pocket. I would never find it fast enough in the abyss. Feel better about your own purse now? :)

Humble pie, anyone?

It seems like humble pie is being served every where I go lately. I'm not complaining; I'm getting used to the taste, actually. If you've been reading this blog a while, you might remember that a month or two ago, one of my littles threw up at the grocery store, in the main aisle, repeatedly. I'm not talkin' about no baby spit up either, people. This was the full-fledged "if-you-weren't-in-the-sorority-of-moms-before-you-are-now" stuff. Make sense? Well, the kiddos were at it again over the weekend. If you are bothered by toilet talk, you can just go ahead and click-out now and I'll see you on the next post. If you're okay with it, here's the latest character-builder.

My husband was meeting with some customers at the end of the day and I still had an errand or two to run. To make good use of our time, I dropped him off and decided to take all four littles into the family bookstore to pick up a children's bible for our friends who were having their littles dedicated in church the next day. Four kids, bookstore, no problem. Right? They're well-behaved, right? No big deal. What can go wrong?

We made it from the car to the store with no problem (first major obstacle cleared). Our oldest was managing the middle two for me just fine while I searched for the book I was looking for. I found the book in about 60 seconds and we really should have checked out and ran could have left then, but my inner book-hoarder took over and I just couldn't seem to get us out of there. I meandered through the store some more and the littles started getting restless. I think they brought me about 476 different books to ask, "mom, can we get this?!?" Once I saw that we were re-arranging just about every shelf in the store, I started to look a little faster. I had this sudden idea to pick up a small purse-size Bible for myself, but had trouble finding the translation I wanted. During this time, I've managed to say "yes" to about four books for my early-reader (I mean, who can turn down a child who's developing a love for reading??). Meanwhile, the baby is jumping around like a feral beast slipping out the bottom of her Ring Sling that I somehow managed to put on all twisted. So, I put the baby on the floor of the bookstore, un-thread the sling, re-thread the sling, put it on, sling her up and we move on. Finally I get my Bible and want to check just one more thing. As I'm checking, I hear the five-year-old say to the three-year-old, "you smell like poop." Of course she does; to the registers we go.

After I tell the kiddos to stay in line with me four or five times while some stranger-lady behind me is stroking the baby's hands and feet, we're finally up to the front. The cashier rings us up (of course, I've over spent already and they want to know if I want my Bible cover personalized). I mean, I already have four children jumping about - one of which smells like poop - of course I want it personalized. Now I've spent six more dollars and have to wait 10 more minutes for them to stamp the cover. I take all of the children out to the car in hopes of freshening the one up. I get the non-stinky three back in their seats and start to change the poopy one. Sadly, I managed to drag the mess out of the Pull-Up all the way up her back. Weeeee! I had to give her a bath with wipes and, THANKFULLY, I had a another clean outfit for her in the car. Once she was all fixed up, my five year old (boy) has to pee. This is the kid that pees like twice a day and, of course, it's an emergency this time. There's no way I'm taking all of these children in a public restroom. I'm just not doing it. I let him go next to the car in the parking lot (completely shielded, of course). During this time, he manages to pee on my foot.

Awesome.

I get them all back in the store to get my personalized Bible (all of the employees are turning to stare at me...) and we take off to pick up my hubs and get to the next place. At least we all made it out alive, right?!

Oh, and that Bible I went in to get for my friend? The one that I made the trip for? Yeah, she got the same one from the church the next morning.

You know. I'm going to take this as a lesson in patience, humility, and remembering that God ordains all of our moments - even the crazy ones. I could totally ask God why he sent me on a rat race through a busy store with a poopy child only to get peed on and find out my friend already has the book I went in there for. Alas, I know he has greater reasons than I could ever fathom. And, that's totally fine with me.

Nasty storms and million dollar houses. Let's learn from this.

If you've known me for more than a second, you have most likely learned that I'm terrified of severe weather. It could have something to do with the fact that I watched Wizard of

Oz every single day for a few years of my childhood; or, it could be that I'm a little bit OCD and big freak-nasty storms that I can't do anything about (except go hide) make me feel out of control and anxious; and, well, like I'm going to throw up. I'll do just about anything I can to get away from a storm. Today was no different.

I was headed down the highway when I saw some ominous clouds looming up ahead. I had the opportunity to exit the highway right then and take an alternate route (which would get me away from said scary clouds). So, off the highway we went. I was driving peacefully for a good 10 minutes or so when it started to rain. After a few more minutes, the rain was really pouring down and, as my heart rate was increasing, I was giving myself a pep-talk. It went something like this, "Suck it up. It's not the end of the world, just rain. You're 31. Keep driving and don't freak out." So, I drive on and guess what happens next...

I. Can't. See.

The rain was coming down so hard that I couldn't see a foot in front of me. So, I quickly pull off the road (into a neighborhood with million dollar houses, btw). Awesome. I'm getting flustered and can't stop thinking about what I'd do if I had to find some place to take shelter and none of these people are home because they're all doctors and lawyers and such. I really was expecting this spring rainstorm to turn into total devastation, I think. The rain calms down after a minute; I pat myself on the back for surviving and we start to drive again. No sooner do I get back out to the main road, I start getting hailed on. ARE. YOU. SERIOUS. At this point, I have the snow globe effect going on in my head. Do I stop the car? Do I go find someone? Do I haul all the kids out? Is there a tornado creepin' up us? I was just losing control (in my head). After another couple minutes, the hail subsided and the rain tapered off for the most part. I drove on, and started thinking.

Driving through a storm is a lot like God's will for our lives. I saw something unpleasant coming during my drive and turned from it. I thought I had control; alas, God wanted me to learn a lesson and TRUST in Him that it would be okay. I thought I could make the drive by going another direction; then I couldn't see; then I got confused and when I thought it was getting better, I got hailed on! Then, don't you know, God cleared up the sky and took away the rain when He wanted to; in His perfect timing! Isn't going through one of the Lord's lessons JUST LIKE THAT sometimes? And, as we know, sometimes the best lessons learned come from the toughest challenges endured. So, my friends, sometimes God puts us through things to bring us closer to Him; to build that relationship of trust, of tough love. All I can say, is use it as a chance to learn and praise him. Always, always, praise Him. All things are good, even the nasty storms.