Wednesday, July 30, 2014

I guess I'm feeling a little...

Content? Could I possibly feel content? Do I even know what that feels like? For an entire decade, I went from "dream" job to "dream" job and yo-yo diet to yo-yo diet, anxiety attack to anxiety attack and I was always sick, out of time, stressed out, and always get the picture. I had all these plans and ideals about what life was supposed to look like; what rung I was supposed to be clenching on the corporate ladder; how much more education I should have under my belt - certifications, degrees, accolades, etc. But, I never felt good about it. I kept hitting speed bump after speed bump. Then, a few years ago, something changed. The Lord threw out the stop sticks.

I felt and overwhelming sense of need to be still, and patient. To look at everything God had laid out before me and take care of that, and that alone, while waiting and praying about what's next. It felt amazing to be simply, yet extravagantly, marked by grace instead of degrees or other worldly accomplishments.

BY GRACE I was ready and able to begin staying at home with our (then) three kids and soon to be four (no one was more surprised about this than me). SO MUCH has changed since then and people often ask me how I do it. It's easy. It's so much easier than when I was trying to make these plans for myself. Three simple words, trust and obey. 

I didn't know I was going to be expecting a fourth baby at the same time I felt and overwhelming call to leave my career (and insurance) to stay home with our kids.

I didn't know how to balance cooking, cleaning, child rearing, and being the wife of a business-owner.

I didn't know about the substantial loss that was coming through to us: through deaths, relationships, and miscarriage - and that overwhelming grace heals us and allows us to go on.

I didn't know I would be healthier at 32 than almost every year of my 20s.

I didn't know that I'd be happily writing a blog about life and health, with no profit, instead of making big bucks as a corporate writer.

I didn't know I would be setting-up to homeschool four littles this school year. (I'm pretty sure I said I would NEVER do this, yet I'm thrilled about the opportunity now).

I didn't know that just working to trust and obey, every day, could be so much more fulfilling than any plans I've ever made for myself.

He carries us, every single time! Realizing that God's Will reigns over all allows us to experience incredible contentment. And, for that, I am SO thankful.

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