Attention: Blessings may be closer than they appear.

If I had to rank each day on a scale of difficulty, 1-10, with 10 being the type of day where I'd like to start chain smoking, yesterday was about a 12. As a whole, it wasn't like they formed a mob and rose up against me or anything, just a few things happened that nearly sent me over the edge. And, you should know, I'm not one that tarries particularly close to the edge. It really takes a lot.

It was cold, dark and rainy yesterday so we were stuck inside all day long. After half-a-day of this, the minions start getting restless and that's when trouble sometimes ensues. The baby (two-year-old) was all dreaming up sugar plums up in her bed; one child was watching a movie; one was parked at the kitchen table (coloring, I assumed); and the other was upstairs doing something, I don't know, blowing her nose for like 20 minutes. Since I appeared to have a break, I settled into my favorite couch with Pinterest open, some cozy pillows and a fall blend of oils diffusing to my left. All was well, I tell you. Then? The child who had been upstairs came down and says to me... "Mom, sprinkles are everywhere." I said, "ok, clean them up." Three minutes later, "mom, I can't." Odd from my quick-to-help child who LOVES to vacuum and sweep. I went in to inspect. 

The child who had been sitting quietly at the kitchen table somehow tossed? exploded? dropped? ...who knows... a bulk container of round sprinkles. My friends. In my almost eight-and-a-half years of mothering, I don't know if I have ever seen such a wide spread mess. Sprinkles filled every grout line, covered every tile, traveled to the next room and blanketed my yoga mat. Have mercy. To say there was a million of them was probably not much of an exaggeration. As we started vacuuming them up, the vacuum was spitting them back at me. I emptied the vacuum canister and, of course, spilled the contents of that back on the floor. Though annoyed, I remained pretty calm (I'm going to pin that on the oils I was diffusing...). About 45 minutes later, and one kid with peed-pants later, we got it mostly cleaned up though I don't doubt we will be finding sprinkles around for the next five years. 

I sent the kids upstairs to get socks and appropriate clothes on for dinner out and, in that time, they decided to get rowdy. And then I heard, "wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." The baby, who was dreaming every so fondly of sugar plums, was now awake...like an hour too early. I banished a kid to the couch and sent the other off to do chores while we waited on dad to get home - all cited with excessive noise violations during rest-time hours. Sigh. 

The rest of the evening was pretty status-quo. We had a couple of pre-bedtime meltdowns from kids who wanted ice cream and homemade cookies produced at 8:30pm. I wasn't about to get kids wired up again before I was home-free for the day. I sent the sprinkle-dropper upstairs to bed and I followed with her baby sister. After I had baby sister in bed, I went back downstairs to grab my computer and other things. I crawled into bed and settled in to Pinterest while waiting for everyone else to come up. When my husband came upstairs about 10 minutes later, I said..."have you seen #3 (sprinkle-dropper)?" He said, "No? Let me see where she is."

We couldn't find her. Anywhere. 

ANYWHERE. 

After we'd searched every hiding place in the house, we still couldn't find her. 

All of the worst things were going through my head now. We tore apart every bed. Threw open every drawer and closet door. Exploded every laundry pile. We yelled her name in every corner. Nothing. Not a sign. Not a trace. How could we lose a child in our house? We never heard any doors open, but could she have somehow gone outside? Surely she wouldn't go into the dark rainy abyss. I started feeling really sick and imagined someone taking off with her right from our home. What did the perp look like? What kind of car? What was she wearing? I wouldn't be able to explain any of it. I didn't know how we would explain this to the police, but I pictured the headlines and we have never been so close to calling them. 

Absolutely frantic, I went back into our bedroom and threw the covers off of our bed (where I was just laying moments before). 

This child. There she was, sleeping soundly - angelically even - fully covered in our blankets. 

She went upstairs and thought it would be fun get under our covers and hide so we'd be surprised to find her when we got into bed. Before we had a chance to find her, she fell asleep fully covered in blankets and had sunk in to the memory foam mattress a little, which is why I didn't notice her RIGHT NEXT TO ME as I laid in bed. Even my husband looked through our room three times and under the bed. We moved her, as she slept soundly never realizing that we almost called in the troops for her return. We praised JESUS over and over and over and I consider it a lesson learned. 

Sometimes our blessings come in ways unexpected, friends. Sometimes they are hard days and things that are there to teach us patience, mercy, forgiveness, etc. And, sometimes, they are right beside us and we get SO caught up in panic and mis-trust that we don't even notice them. I am STILL praising the Lord this morning that our child wasn't really missing. We are going to spend the morning doing some fun projects together and loving one another intentionally! 

Blessings are all around you, friends, and some may be unexpected and closer than you think. 

And she dragged me, kicking and screaming.

So, I wasn't going to post today. I really didn't have anything spectacular to say and...honestly? I have a lot of messes going on at home lately. I have piles of clothes to be sorted; a homeschool room to be organized; toys to be purged; laundry to be laundered; children to be fed; PiYo to do; calories to be counted; toilets to scrub; prayers to be said; devotions to be done; and the list goes on and on...all the while the pool is calling my name for a couple more weeks. However, my TimeHop app sent me a picture today and it prompted the following thoughts.

A year ago, I hadn't been out with friends for about 18 months. When I mean "out with friends," I mean...like out, without kids. There wasn't really a reason I hadn't been out; I've never been a big Ladies-Night-Outer, I just got so consumed with everything going on around here (adjusting to life as a stay-at-home-mom of four after working outside the home, being pregnant, nursing a baby, taking care of the house and other kids, working it all around my husband's schedule, and sinking in to my own very comfortable routine of Facebook, blogging and photos, etc) that I didn't feel like taking the effort to get cleaned up and escape for a short while and go have a coffee, conversation and a little breathing room with friends. I just didn't feel like it. I didn't want to leave my routine and comfort zone.

However, I have a friend named Jenny, jennyitup, JRap.

Everyone should have a JRap.

She relentlessly harassed me to leave the house with her, for just a bit, and go have fun. (You should also know we were friends for like two years before this point). Now, if you know Jenny, you know she wasn't trying to get me to jump ship, get blindly drunk and max out the credit cards. She's just OLDER than me a seasoned wife and mom, also has a slew of kids, and she knows that a little time off in the right environment, for the right reasons, and with the right folks, is good. Everyone needs a time-out, right? We planned. And I'm pretty sure I got nervous and canceled twice (I'm not really sorry sorry, Jenny!!). Then she basically threatened me in the most Christian way possible.

So, we negotiated.

I told Jenny I would leave the house after the baby was in bed and if she picked me up. She obliged and we had coffee, chocolate and about a thousand laughs. It was a great boost and had me re-fueled for the next day. I'm pretty sure I texted her after to ask when we were going out the next time. So, one year later, we're still doing this. A few friends of ours all get together once every month-and-a-half or so and we just get together and breathe. and chat. and laugh. and eat food we don't normally eat. and get that breathing room that we all need, but so rarely make time for.

I love my husband and kids, so much, but I think a little breathe-time is good for all of us. It allows me to stop, collect thoughts and re-fuel while my husband and kids get a break from me can bond together, too! I've learned that going out doesn't make me a run-away mom, it just gives me an occasional time-out. Who would fight that?

I guess I'm feeling a little...

Content? Could I possibly feel content? Do I even know what that feels like? For an entire decade, I went from "dream" job to "dream" job and yo-yo diet to yo-yo diet, anxiety attack to anxiety attack and I was always sick, out of time, stressed out, and always complaining...you get the picture. I had all these plans and ideals about what life was supposed to look like; what rung I was supposed to be clenching on the corporate ladder; how much more education I should have under my belt - certifications, degrees, accolades, etc. But, I never felt good about it. I kept hitting speed bump after speed bump. Then, a few years ago, something changed. The Lord threw out the stop sticks.


I felt and overwhelming sense of need to be still, and patient. To look at everything God had laid out before me and take care of that, and that alone, while waiting and praying about what's next. It felt amazing to be simply, yet extravagantly, marked by grace instead of degrees or other worldly accomplishments.


BY GRACE I was ready and able to begin staying at home with our (then) three kids and soon to be four (no one was more surprised about this than me). SO MUCH has changed since then and people often ask me how I do it. It's easy. It's so much easier than when I was trying to make these plans for myself. Three simple words, trust and obey. 

I didn't know I was going to be expecting a fourth baby at the same time I felt and overwhelming call to leave my career (and insurance) to stay home with our kids.

I didn't know how to balance cooking, cleaning, child rearing, and being the wife of a business-owner.

I didn't know about the substantial loss that was coming through to us: through deaths, relationships, and miscarriage - and that overwhelming grace heals us and allows us to go on.

I didn't know I would be healthier at 32 than almost every year of my 20s.

I didn't know that I'd be happily writing a blog about life and health, with no profit, instead of making big bucks as a corporate writer.

I didn't know I would be setting-up to homeschool four littles this school year. (I'm pretty sure I said I would NEVER do this, yet I'm thrilled about the opportunity now).

I didn't know that just working to trust and obey, every day, could be so much more fulfilling than any plans I've ever made for myself.

He carries us, every single time! Realizing that God's Will reigns over all allows us to experience incredible contentment. And, for that, I am SO thankful.